


Forgiveness

by GoldenEye



Category: Notre-Dame de Paris | The Hunchback of Notre-Dame - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Afterlife, F/M, sort of fix it up, takes place after the book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 05:23:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8191733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenEye/pseuds/GoldenEye
Summary: I just wanted for these two to end up together and this was the first idea that came to my head[Not betareaded. If someone wants to do this I would be more than happy.]





	

"It seems that the after life is as worst as the life of the living"  
It was the returning thought Claude had for a considerable time. Didn't the church promise everyone that once they've died all their troubles would be washed away and they could live in peace ? Then why was his soul still tortured with the thoughts of Esmeralda. Not a single day has passed where he hadn't thought of her.  
Sometimes in the darkest nights he dreamed about the last day they spended on earth. In this dream he also stood at the very same spot on the roof of Notre Dame, gazing over to the Place de Grève where his beloved Gypsy was about to look into the face of Death. In opposition to the reality, he could see her clearly despite the distant that was laying between them.

After a while he had lost every feeling for time and couldn't tell how long he was already spending his afterlife on the other side. Even after all the time he had already existed in the hereafter, he still wasn't sure whether he should think of himself as ghost or soul. Whenever he though of himself as a ghost, he shook his head and a sad smile appeared on his lips. Part of him was reminding him that he had followed Esmeralda like a ghost - an evil ghost - through Paris for a long time. Wouldn't it be now the right label for him?

It was one of these days he was spending in his library, trying to read but couldn't focus on the printed words. Claude could see them clearly but their meaning didn't reached his thinking. His mind was not in the there and now. He closed the book, let it carelessly slip on the ground and laid back in the chair. A long sorrowful sign escaped his throat. His gaze was fixed on a spot on the wall opposite to the chair. Said wall was the canvas his imagination used to present him and old picture Claude couldn't get enough of.

There she was. Standing in the very same room with him. Looking at him with the facial expression he loved and cursed the most: the way she playfully pursed her lips in that adorable and sinful manner. Her green eyes from the color of emerald were fixed upon him. She winked at him and danced through the room, her colorful skirt swinging around her legs. She suddenly stopped, stepping towards him with tentative steps, as if something was holding her back. After an eternity she was in front of him, looking at him with a smile on her lips. Her right hand was touching his.  
Deep in his heart Claude knew that this was just an illusion like so many others before. A sweet torture and yet he wanted to be fooled from his mind. Day after day he allowed his mind to play tricks to him. Night after night sweet, innocent day dreams were replached with fantasies filled with forbidden desires.

"Damn witch. You still control me even in death" All of the sudden he stood up and rushed out of the room. His face was a mask of anger, despair and unfilled desire. Like many times before he was asking himself how it was possible to have any emotions when you are dead.

He went into the garden behind the small cloister-like house where he spended his afterlife. It was a late summer day, the last roses where blooming, yet you could feel that fall was coming closer. The air was beginning to cool down in the evening and the darkness came earlier. In the garden was a small stone bench where Claude had spended many hours in the spring and summer reading and writing. There had been a minute time span when he had picked up his studies on Alchemie again. But they didn't last long, in fact they had been brought to an end due to the same reason, they had been abandoned when he had been alive. From one day to the other the love he felt for the Esmeralda was back with a pang. As intense as it had never been away.

Claude sat down on the bench, looking up to the sky where clouds where passing by. Birds where singing in the trees. It was a peaceful day but the silence was suddenly interrupted from a somewhat displaced sound. Someone in the near distance was playing an instrument. Claude, who had closed his eyes and had been on the edge of dozing off was within a split second wide-awake.

That sound. Was it in his head ? It had to be there. Everything else was impossible. Never had he heard such a sound here. That must be a new trick of his mind to drive him crazy.  
It was a tambourin, he would recognize that sound under thousand others.  
He saw the green-eyed dancer on the place in front of Notre Dame where he had seen her for the first time, before his inner eye. From this day on the tambourin was the sound of the devil for him as well as the sound that seems to come from heaven. As much as he cursed her and her devilish seducing way of dancing, he couldn't stop seeing her as the most beautiful creature that every stepped on God's planet.

He wanted to flee from this sound and yet a strange force was holding him back. The poor soul who wanted to be tortured because it knows that this is their destiny.  
Claude knew that he was damned. But he never wanted to be damned. What has become of the young man who had devoted himself entirely to knowledge? When had he lost himself on the journey through life ? Why had his soul been to accepting of the spell of the devil? Could it be true that in the end he was just a man like so many on earth ? Could it be possible that there were more servants of God who had to deal with what he was going through.

But somehow God had mercy with him. After all he was in heaven. He could tell that, from the people who have crossed his way, people who had been so much better than he had been and yet he was among them. Had his past saved him from the eternal pain of Purgatory? Had his devotion to God and the knowledge been enough to save him from the burning fire of Hell?  
Claude couldn't believe these explanations be thought of. He was still plagued with the wish to own the Esmeralda. He would gladly give his life a second time. After all he came to the conclusion that his current existence was in fact even worse then Purgatory or Hell since he was captured in a devine environmental. Wasn't he constantly sinning ?

The unwelcome sound died and silence returned. But it was a silence with the bitter after taste of losing something. Claude shook his head. He was tired of suffering and the foreshadow of suffering eternity wasn't pleasant. Yes, this was the real Purgatory no one ever expired.

___

A few days after the incident he decided that his lovesick mind had played a trick on him and nothing more. There was something else that destiny had in store for him. Weeks had passed since that day and Claude had nearly forgotten that it had happened.

One day he was praying in the local church of the village. As in his previous life he held the office as the local Archdeacon. His favourite spot in the church for praying was a small corner which contained a beautiful marble statue of Mary. In front of the figure there were two white candles in silver candlesticks. Claude was on his knees, praying fervently. There was so much he had to confess to the Holy Mother. Would she somehow give him a sign that she had heard his prayers?

He was so lost in his prayer that he didn't hear that someone was approaching him. A person wrapped in a long black cloak was standing behind him. A hood was hiding the face of the person but the flickering flames of the candles which were reflected from golden earrings, revealed that this person was a woman.  
The person was standing behind the Archdeacon, unsure what do next. The gaze of the person was wandering over him, then to the statue and back to him.  
A trembling hand came out of the cloak and was about to rest on the shoulder of the kneeling Archdeacon. Half way into the motion the person stopped. Clearly the person was asking themself whether this would be a good idea or not. After a couple of seconds the person decided that it would be okay and continues the motion.

Claude was too deep in praying and didn't realized that someone had dared to sneak behind him and touch him.  
That wasn't clearly the reaction the person had expected so the hand was drawn back. In the next second the person got down on their knees next to him, laying on of their hands on his tight and whispering his name.

All holy thoughts of praying where shattered with a pang as soon as he heard a voice - her voice - from a close distant calling his name. As if he was made of stone he kneeled where he was. His heart was beating faster like a trapped bird. It occurred to him that this was the answer to his prayers. Was the Holy Mary really interested in fulfilling his unholy desires?  
Was this reality or another devilish trick of his mind.

Slowly, as if he would face something he don't want to see, he turned his head towards the direction where he had located the voice.  
A person who was wearing a black cloak with a hood was looking at her. He could see her face. It was as painfully beautiful as he had kept the memory of it. Emerald green eyes where looking at him. Yes she was really looking at him, not away from him. Was she satisfied that he was dead too? After a few seconds where they just looked at each other Claude came to the conclusion that Esmeralda was looking at him with a look he has never seen on her face when she had been with him.

She smiled at him, pushing his hand harder on his tight. "Finally I have found you". Her voice was merely a soft murmur. She had lowered her gaze and on her cheeks was a shadow of redness. Claude swallowed hard but despite that his throat felt dry as the desert through which Jesus had walked. This was a dream. She would never come to him on her own will. Why should she ? After all he was responsible that she was dead. At once the memory of Gringoire telling him about the fact that she always carried a dagger with her came back. Or was this another card destiny hadn't played out so far: the doubleganger. No, he want the real Esmeralda.

He wanted to stand up, escape from the Esmeralda but as soon as he made the first attempt to stand up, she laid her other hand on his shoulder and pushed him back onto his knees. She drew back the hood and her long raven black hair, framed her beautiful face in an adorable way. One look at this woman and Claude's will to escape was blown away. It was really his Esmeralda. Against his better will he breathed out with relief. "I went through a lot of countries, countless villages and spended endless hours on lonely road just to find you. Please, even if you don't want to see me, let me explain why I wanted to find you".

Her voice was a sweet intoxicating melody and the priest devoured every single word she said.`... even you don't want to see me ...` These words where like a dagger that was slicing his heart into pieces. Seeing her back was the only wish had day after day in this existence. He tried to regain something of his self-control back. "Please explain yourself, beautiful child".  
As soon as she heard the last two words, she flushed again. After all she could be sure that he hadn't changed. Claude tried to overlook that reaction, his words has caused.

They were kneeling next to each other, in the dark corner with only a pair of candles to break the blackness and Mary watching over them. She would keep every single word that would be exchanged between them, she would turn a blind eye on everything that would happen.  
" I lived here" she began and gestured around, to refer to the afterlife itself "for the first time in a country that was very close to the countries in the south that I have travelled with my Gypsy family in my youth. It was a pleasant life. I was earning my daily bread with what I can do best; dancing and singing. Everyday people crowed the place where I used to be. I could have had a happy life but deep in my heart I felt the desire for revenge. I was angry at you and swore to myself that I would find you"

Here she paused, tried to read in his face but Claude had a face that wasn't showing any emotion, the face that was associated with one of the highest offices in church. "One day I packed my belongings and began to live like a Gypsy for the second time. I had a lot of time to think of during the uncounted hours of traveling. It wasn't a bad time. I enjoyed it so discover new places. In every town where I came I was searching for you. At first because I wanted some sort of revenge. But what can you do in the afterlife ? We are already dead" She let out a little laugh but looked ashamed at the ground the next second.

It occurred to Claude that this was the first time she ever laughed so heartily in his presence. Could it be true that she was feeling comfortable ? Indeed she seemed to enjoy it to tell him her traveling experiences.

"In the long nights when I lay awake and was thinking back of my old life. I compared what I have lost and was I was still owning. I realized that I had lost the one I love the most ... He surely had married someone else. As time has passed by I was glad that we never ended up with each other. What is the use of living when the person you love the most isn't with you?"  
She heard Claude breathing out heavily. His heart was clenched together from the old pain that the name Phoebus has caused or just the simple indirect mention of him. He wasn't sure if this was a rhetorical question or not but he answered it anyways. If she was confessing her thoughts to him why shouldn't he confess in return to her? "There is no point in living. But no matter how desperate humans are, they still cling to their life and can't give it up. I was desperate but it never occurred to me to give up my life"

Understanding began to bloom in her expression. She looked at him with wide eyes but didn't said anything. Claude wasn't expecting a reply anyways. She continued after a minute pause "It dawned on me that I had just one person here with whom I had a connection and this person is you, Claude".  
Without the formal title the space between them shrunk. He was staring at her, flashing a sad smile at her. "A Tragedy am I right?"  
"At first it was" she agreed. "At this time you were the last person with whom I wanted a connection no matter in what way. After a lot of thinking I came to the conclusion that destiny had her hands in it. I tried my hardest to find a meaning in all of her actions and why she had let us cross paths. In life you doomed because you allowed yourself to fall in love with me and this was also my doom. But haven't we paid the highest price a human being can pay? Their lives."

Her words were the naked truth. He saw them before his inner eye slowly walking down the stair of their own doom

"I came to the conclusion that ... you know who I mean ... had forgotten me, that I had been just one girl who had stepped in and out of his life. I don't know how long it took me to get over him. In fact I got over most of my old life that I had under the living. This life seems more like a dream to me. As if I am suppose to forget it and accept this here as my life. The only one who was still on my mind was you. I assume it is because you are here too and our deaths are somewhat connected."

Here she stopped, glanced over to the white marble Mary and back to Claude who was looking at her with a waiting expression on his face.  
"We died on the same day. Perhaps just minutes apart" These words were ringing in his ears. She was right. Could it be that this was the one and only reason why they met again? Could it be possible that this circumstance had a deeper meaning for both?  
"I understand that. I mean the thing with forgetting about the live under the living" he explained "I wish I could find an explanation for it" he added.

Out of the blue she grabbed his hands, holding them tight to her chest as she continues to tell "I can't remember when I first began to realize it but especially in the last weeks, when I was closer to finding you it dawned on that my old lust for revenge had died. There was no hate, no anger and no fear when I was thinking of you. First there was sympathy. But then one day when I was walking through a forest and saw a church in the far distant ringing their bells I realized that I had locked away a couple of feelings that are nowadays connected to your name"

It took her a while to speak out these words which came slowly over her lips. "I know it don't makes much sense ... But then not much her makes sense ..." she let out a laugh and was surprised to see Claude smiling at her and nodding in agreement. She was right. The after life was following its own mysterious rules and he wasn't sure if it would allow someone to reveal its secret.  
"After all I am sure it somehow makes sense. Maybe it has to do with us dying on the same and we are somewhat connected through the church. Can you believe me when I say that I forgive you?" The question was standing between them like a wall. She had built it up and he either had to tear it down or let is stand. Minutes passed and Claude was still deeply in thoughts. It must be the truth she told him. There was no fear in her behaviour towards him. There was no anger or any other negative emotion. Deep in his heart he always knew that this young woman wasn't born to tell a lie.

He couldn't and didn't wanted to hold back the tears that were filling his eyes. One simple question, spoken from the mouth of an angel was enough to give him back all the emotions he though he had buried. With a nod and a nearly inaudible "I believe you" he tore down the invisible wall that the question had built up. Claude looked at her with amazement and disbelief.  
He could feel her hand touching his face, wiping away the tears. Her touch felt as if he had never felt a human touch before; strange and yet familiar. How many times had he wished that she would touch him in a caring way.

They were still kneeling next to each other and the Holy Mary was still watching carefully over them. Time was passing by as she was still holding his hands. Every now and then they looked at each other before turning away their gaze. A strange atmosphere was around them, creating a safeguard around them no one could cross if one dared to.

The first ring of the church bell brought them back into the moment. Another gong followed. Soon it would be time for the mess and the church would be crowed with people. "I must go" a undertone of pain was mingled in her voice. She flashed an apologizing smile at Claude and drew back her hands, an action that wasn't easy for her. With a swift movement she stood up, offering him her hand. He grabbed her hand, stood up and wanted to lead her the way out of the church but she broke free. "What if someone sees us? For the moment it is the safest for both of us, to to been seen with each other. I can't put a finger on what it is, but I have the feeling that some power here wants to test us" she explained. When she saw Claude's sceptical expression she added "I know it sounds ridiculous but we both know that afterlife is different from the life we had." She stepped forward and stood close in front of him, a bit too close for he feared he wouldn't have the full control over his body. "I will be back tomorrow. Let us meet again under Mary's guarding glance". She leaned forward and placed a kiss on his forehead, before she turned around and left the church.

Claude stood as if he was made of stone. Again on this day he was asking himself if he was awake or dreaming.  
The bells were still ringing with enthusiasm and the steps of people entering the church could be heard and Claude considered that it was the right time to leave the church. Deep in his heart he knew that he should stay and confess all his unholy thoughts but tomorrow would be another day where he could do that.

He never confessed his thoughts and a couple of weeks later he was sure that he would need to sit for at least one week in church, telling God things he would never wanted to hear. He saw Esmeralda on a somewhat regular base in their corner next to Mary. The statue was the silent witness of the fragile first knots of a bond which would be stronger and stronger over time.

On a winter's day, where they were just standing in the corner, each of them lost in their own thoughts, trying to warm their hands over the small flames of the candles Claude asked her why she was spending so much time with him. Was this all because she had forgiven him and now wanted to make everything good.  
It was a thought that was nagging on him since quite a while. In some moments he was alright with being treated with just forgiveness. In other moments, especially in the past month he had the feeling that there was something more but that couldn't be possible at all, or could it ? Over and over he had though of when and how he should ask her. More than everything right now he needed an answer to this question.

Esmeralda stared at the flame of the candle. nervously she began to bit her lower lip. She knew that he had a right to know and on the one hand she wanted to tell him for so long but a part of her was scared where this would lead to. What if he would push her away ? She had tried to explain it to herself that he was controlling himself so she don't has to think that he might just want to exploit the situation. But then hadn't he been an understand friend in the last months? What made so sure that just because in the live under the living he had worn a mask he would still do now. Wasn't everything different in the afterlife. She had come to the conclusion that you just get your existence in the afterlife when you were either a good person in your whole life or when there was some mistakes you made in your living live that needed to be fixed. Now that she got to know Claude better she would gladly fix what she neglected to do when she had been a live. While she was still watching the flame she spoke more to the flame than to Claude "It isn't forgiveness anymore. I really enjoy your company ..." her voice broke. It was harder than expected to continue. But should she continue? instinctively she felt that this was a situation where words were a waste of time. Sure she could explain it with her theories but this would sound not real. She knew that the feelings were real and did she developed them just because destiny somehow had a plan that needed to be fulfilled?

When Claude heard her words he felt as if someone would have decided to take away the ground beneath his feet. He hadn't thought that something like this could be possible. With a shocked expression he looked up to the statue of the Holy Mary who was looking at him with her usual easing expression on her white marble face. He glanced at Esmeralda and took the chance to study her beautiful profile like he had done it already countless times.

Was that a tear in her eye ? Even in the dim light of the candles it was easy to see. The silence between them began to feel awkward. He felt that she couldn't decide what she should do next. "Look at me Esmeralda, please"  
They faced each other but every few seconds she was lowering her gaze or didn't really catch his look. "What troubles you?" Claude was sure that she not only enjoyed his company. He himself brought the simple thought of being loved back from her to the edge of his feelings. The Gypsy just shook her head "It is nothing bad" She herself glanced over to the statue of the Holy Mary and as if she had gained some blessing from her, she looked back at Claude and continued with a smile "Tell me, Claude. It can't be bad to find out that you are able to love again am I right?"

Claude was on a loss for words. Did she really ...? Yes, she did. He could feel that he was being overwhelmed from his emotions. Part of him wanted to sink on his knees, thanking God for showing mercy with him, part of him wanted to hold her close to himself. It took him a while to order all his emotions and thoughts before he answered "Not at all. But tell me dearest Esmeralda, is he really worthy of your love?"

She laid her head to the right side, examined his face and acted as if she had to think hard about it. "He surely is" decided she and in the next second she had wrapped his arms around him, holding him close to her chest, her face was dangerously close to his. For a split second he thought that she would place just another harmless kiss on his forehead. A kiss that indicates a strong friendship bound. But for the first time she didn't placed her lips on his forehead. The fire that had always burned in his heart had finally set her heart on fire too.


End file.
